I woke up feeling refreshed after my nap. So refreshed that I realized 3 hours had passed and it was well past dinnertime. I felt even worse after I checked my phone and saw that Geno had called me 4 times already. I was the world's worst girlfriend after promising to cook for my boyfriend and his family and then sleeping through the entire time.
I had come home with the intention of taking a breather, not blowing them off. Feeling anxious, I pressed my call button and Geno answered almost immediately.
"What happened? Where are you?" he answered without saying the pre-requisite "hello."
"I'm sorry, I'm in my apartment and everything's fine."
He paused and I wasn't sure if it was because I mentioned that I was here in my apartment or if there was something else going on.
"I'm really sorry" I added. "I wanted to take a quick catnap and ended up sleeping a lot longer than I wanted to."
"Catnap? What is catnap?"
"It's just an expression" I smiled realizing that he didn't know that word yet.
"Oh. Well are you coming here?"
I heard the hopeful tone of his voice and it shamed me to think that I was the only one who was scared of moving forward in our relationship. What kind of person was afraid to accept that kind of love?
"Yes, just let me grab some things and I'll be right over." We agreed that I would be there in 30 minutes and hung up. I loaded more of my clothes and a few other comforts into an overnight bag before hauling it downstairs and into my car. The groceries I had purchased for his house were still cold in my trunk thanks to the Pittsburgh winter. All the groceries I bought reminded me that I hardly lived in my apartment anymore. I hadn't bought milk or eggs for my apartment in awhile because I either cooked at his house or we ate out.
Even though I didn't want to admit it, we did practically live together. His annoying persistence had led to the gradual demise of my self-reliance and the very reminder of my current actions made me feel like I was breaking out in a cold sweat.
I pulled into his driveway- our driveway?- feeling like a 50 year old woman in menopause. The cold air outside was an instant relief as I began to unload my car. I heard the garage door go up and seconds later, Geno's tall form emerged from the garage.
"Here, I help you" he said leaning down to kiss my cheek and steal the grocery bags from my hands. Once he stepped back and got a better look at my face, he set the bags down again and pulled me toward him.
"What wrong?" I tried to shake him off but a burly hand on my hip kept me from moving out of reach.
"Nothing." Suddenly I felt like if I met his eyes, I would spontaneously burst into tears and probably scare the hell out of him.
Instead of letting me go, he pulled me tightly against his chest for a hug, mumbling something in Russian. Since I was a little more than a foot shorter than him, my head fit perfectly against his neck where I could inhale the smell of his skin and count to 10. His hands rubbed steadily over my back in calming, reassuring gestures that made me want to groan in pleasure as he pushed the tension away.
I wasn't sure if he knew why he was comforting me but as my body relaxed, I knew he understood that he was helping.
I felt slightly less manic than I had before and allowed myself to press a kiss to the skin I was currently snuggled against. His skin always looked and felt so smooth, despite the battles his body had endured and as a woman, I had to marvel about the fact that he never used lotion.
He countered my kiss with one of his own, planting it on the spot by my temple that always made me sigh.
I nodded and when I stepped back, he let me. He didn't ask why I had shown up at his house looking like a nut-job and instead picked up a few of the grocery bags like nothing had happened at all. Thankful for the out, I grabbed my overnight bag and a few groceries before following him inside. Our embrace had made me feel warm so the heat from the house barely registered as I stepped inside.
Natalia was boiling water for what looked like tea and when she saw me, she grabbed my shoulders and placed a kiss on both of my cheeks. "Hungry?"
I smiled this time, a real smile, and shook my head no.
"She didn't eat" Geno said behind me then spoke to his Mom in Russian. She looked between us and nodded then went to the refrigerator anyway.
"I'm not hungry" I turned and tried to talk to Geno. He ignored me and picked up my bag so he could carry it upstairs.
"Did you eat dinner?"
When I didn't answer, he shrugged his shoulders. "Then you hungry."
Since there was no point in arguing with his form of logic, I hung up my coat and found Natalia arranging leftovers on a plate for me. It made me feel guilty to watch her but I let her stack my plate up with meat and potatoes. I remembered Geno explaining that it was in the Russian culture for mothers to dote on family and that it would be rude if I tried to refuse her.
She looked up and smiled at me, once again inspiring guilt and self-loathing for having so many doubts about her son and for behaving like I did. I watched her hum and check on her tea while my food was in the microwave. I could tell that she was subtly watching me, and the game of watching each other but pretending not to, made me feel wary.
We were either psyching each other out or we were both wondering if I was worth all the trouble Geno was going through.
The microwave beeped and I jumped up to get my plate and pour myself a glass of milk. Even though I didn't feel hungry, the food looked and smelled delicious.
"Thank you" I told Natalia genuinely and slid into a seat at the kitchen table. Geno walked back into the kitchen, this time wearing his nighttime sweats, and joined me at the table.
"Good, right?" he asked, leaning in to inhale the smell of my food. He was right, it was awesome. Even though I was enjoying my food, I was still watching Natalia watch Geno and I. He was usually a touchy-feely kind of person so I didn't think twice anymore when he put his arm around the back of my chair or leaned his knee against mine. But with his Mom suddenly watching us with an indistinguishable look on her face, I wondered what we looked like or if there was something about us together that she didn't like.
Women, especially mothers, are way better at reading other women than men are. If Geno thought anything was really wrong with me or that I was suddenly second guessing every detail in my life, his mother would be sure to pick up on it faster than him. Then what would happen?
I listened to them both talk about their plans for the rest of the week, some of it in broken English and the rest in Russian. I knew that Geno had practice in the morning and a game at night but Natalia surprised me by asking if I would take her to the game and show her around the arena. I hadn't planned on going to the game since the team was only playing the Predators- not exactly a team that would cause a PR frenzy- but I agreed for the sake of proving to her that I wasn't the worst kind of animal that her son could be interested in.
I zoned out of their conversation but let the syllables of the russian language wash over me as I cleaned my plate. I was so absorbed in my own thoughts that I didn't hear Geno calling my name.
"Sorry" I said smiling sheepishly. "I'm a little tired."
Natalia grinned and said something in russian to Geno who also grinned. I still had a long way to go before I ever understood what they were saying.
"What did you say?" I asked him, feeling slightly put out by the fact that they knew I couldn't understand what they were saying.
"Ready for bed" Geno said grabbing my hand and pulling my dirty dish away from the table. His request was barely a question and more of a statement. He put my dirty dish in the sink and barely allowed me to say goodnight to his mother before he dragged me up the stairs behind him.
"Could you at least let me walk instead of dragging me?" I half-laughed/whined. In his room, I saw that my bag was sitting on his bed unopened. Rather than let me unpack and hang up my work clothes, Geno pulled me to the bed and gently pushed me down onto the soft coverlet. Before I could move, his long body covered mine and pressed me deeper into the mattress.
"Mmmm," he mumbled pressing his lips into my neck. "I sleep like this."
"I'm not even in my pajamas" I laughed, trying not to get distracted by the feel of his chapped lips tracing over my skin.
"I can fix that" he said, grinning down at me menacingly. Even though it was very easy for me to be distracted in this position, I couldn't forget that his mother was in the house.
"Does your Mom know what we're doing?" I asked as soon as he freed my lips.
Rather than answer me he ground his hips against mine instead. The moan that slipped past my lips was enough to make sure that his Mom did know what was going on.
His name slipped out of my mouth in a mortifying moan as he ground his erection against my core once again. Because he outweighed me by 50 pounds, he easily dodged my punch to his arm and pinned my fist above my head, struggling to capture my other arm with it.
"You must be dreaming if you think we're having sex now" I panted, struggling to shift my lower body and somehow use my legs to free myself.
It was no longer clear why I was even fighting him off since we both knew that as soon as he touched me, I was a goner. Still, we both weren't the kind of people to back down from a challenge and in that moment, it became a game of physical domination.
"Ya hochu, chtoby vy" he said smiling down into my eyes. When he looked at me like that, it made me forget to be annoyed that I had no idea what he was saying. His lips met mine again and this time the mood changed from sexual dominance to slow and careful.
He let go of my wrists so I was free to explore the wide expanse of his back while his hands moved to free me of my sweater.
He mumbled something else in russian but I was too far gone to care what he was saying. All I could concentrate on was the feeling of his skin rubbing against mine, striking me each time we touched like a match waiting to be lit on fire.
The rest of our clothes came off fast, unforgotten and spread throughout the bedroom. Our mouths were connected when he entered me and I swallowed his exhale of breath as he reached my inner depths. In our haste, we had forgotten a condom and the feeling of just him touching me in my most intimate place was like a shock to both of our senses.
When he realized, his eyes widened to almost comedic proportions. "Sorry" he breathed out, instantly moving to pull out of me. The possibility of being disconnected made my fingers dig into his shoulders in protest.
"It's okay" I told him, shimmying my hips a little and showing him just how okay it was. "I'm on birth control too." Just to make sure he understood, I lifted my hips up and rolled them against him.
"Der'mo" he breathed out. The vein straining against the skin of his neck told me that he was already close to the edge. One slow thrust of his hips pushed me to that edge with him. Another made me whimper and pull him closer.
Even with all of my doubts about where my life was suddenly heading, only he had the singular ability to make me completely disregard that apprehension and get naked with him.
"Oh god. Just fuck me already" I moaned, anxious for the relief he could provide to both of us. His mouth claimed mine and he happily obliged. Even if I said it a thousand times, it would never be enough- he was too big, too pushy and too dominant in how I viewed my future. Despite this, every time he touched me, my mind forgot that it didn't know what it wanted.
And that was okay for now because I didn't want to think anymore.